How to stop ruminating: My favorite 8 strategies

Have you ever done something at work that didn’t quite go as you hoped—made a mistake, slipped up in a presentation, were unable to answer a question on the spot, didn’t speak up when you should have in a meeting, etc.? 

We’ve all been there. I was there just last week after sending an email to my full list with a broken link. As imperfect human beings, these slip-ups are inevitable, so let’s learn how to productively react when they happen. 

We typically see one of three reactions:

• [Ideal] Take a moment to learn from the experience, then move on.

• [Less ideal] Move on without really caring about or realizing what happened. While there are benefits to letting go quickly, this reaction often results in a missed opportunity to learn from it and avoid repeating in the future.

• [Least ideal] Ruminate, ruminate, ruminate.

Rumination is defined as “obsessive thinking about an idea, situation, or choice especially when it interferes with normal mental functioning.” Have you ever felt stalled in a state of analysis, replaying something over and over again? That’s rumination. 

How can we distinguish between a healthy amount of thinking versus harmful rumination? Consider the end result. If you find yourself processing a situation in order to come up with the best solution moving forward, you’re probably not ruminating. But if the story running through your head is out of your control, has no solution, and is not producing forward momentum, then you might want to ask yourself if you’re ruminating.

Rumination can be a debilitating beast, and it happens more often than we realize. If I had to guess, I’d say that I have an opportunity to help clients interrupt and move through ruminating thoughts in about one-quarter of all my coaching sessions. That’s a lot. 

I’m a recovering ruminator myself. My Type A, perfectionistic nature makes me an ideal target for rumination. Though it still gets me from time to time, I can tell you that implementing intentional practices over the past three years have helped immensely. I’m more aware of it and more capable of interrupting the pattern, which has been so refreshing. This improvement enables me to feel more positive about my work and to show up more fully for the people I’m serving. 

I want you to experience freedom from rumination too. Perhaps my strategies will help. Here are the eight that have helped me the most.

1. Acknowledge it’s happening.

Rumination is sneaky. I picture it as this conniving critter who stays in the shadows to secretly meddle with me. One of the best ways to battle it is to shine a light on it—eliminate the shadows. We can’t fight something if we don’t know it’s there. To do this, I simply pause the thoughts and ask myself, “Am I taking this too far? Is this analysis turning into unhealthy rumination?” That pause gives me heightened awareness and an ability to decide what I want to do with it, rather than allowing it to dictate my state of mind.

2. Separate facts from stories.

We often don’t have a full picture of what happened, and quietly ask ourselves questions like: What did others think of me? How did my colleagues perceive the situation? What’s going to happen now? What would have happened if I had made a different decision? 

Our brains loathe uncertainty, so rather than resting in a state of curiosity, we subconsciously populate answers to these questions. And because our survival brain is wired to look for threats, the populated answers often represent the worst-case scenario. 

To interrupt this pattern, draw a T-chart on a piece of paper. Label one column, “Facts: What I know to be true is...” Label the other column, “Assumptions: The story I’m telling myself is…” Then, fill it out. Force your brain to differentiate between truth and imagined stories. 

3. Change your surroundings.

Working from home is lonely. The extra quiet space is a breeding ground for rumination. Challenges feel bigger and more daunting when we’re alone.

I remember a vivid example of this at play when I was commuting between Boise and Seattle while working for Boeing. I had an upset internal client—a Finance Vice President with a tough exterior who was known for getting his way. I needed to call him to resolve a situation and ultimately coax him to agree with my position. I remember dialing his number from my home office, palms sweating and heart pounding. Thankfully, he didn’t answer and I left a voicemail. The next morning I jumped on a plane to head to my Seattle office for an event. As soon as I set foot in the Boeing building, surrounded by my amazing team, my confidence and optimism soared–it was surreal. I took a breath, picked up the phone and tried calling him again; this time actually hoping he would answer. He did. Surprisingly, we had a thoughtful conversation and he agreed to align with my position after hearing the full story.

The outcome isn’t the point here—the point is that shifting my surroundings enabled me to interrupt the negative thought pattern and confidently engage in the next steps with an entirely different presence. 

If you’re alone and notice rumination, go be around people. Even if it’s just at the grocery store. If you’re surrounded by people and ruminating, go spend time alone on a walk or in meditation. See how a shift in your surroundings can help.

4. Recognize that other people likely aren’t thinking about it as much as you.

Rumination often involves us feeling worried about what others are thinking. The truth is, they probably aren’t thinking about the situation or us nearly as much as we think they are. There is something in psychology known as the “spotlight effect.” This is the phenomenon where people tend to overestimate how much others notice aspects of their behavior or appearance. Recognize when spotlight effect is at play and find comfort in knowing that others don’t pay attention as much as we think they do.

5. Remind yourself that you don’t want to be a cow.

Yes, you read that correctly. My wise friend, Nancy Buffington, reminded me of this one. Ruminant animals, such as cows, chew and regurgitate their food more than once, and digest it multiple times in different stomachs. Kind of gross. I don’t want to be a cow, regurgitating thoughts over and over. Remembering this funny fact lightens the mood for me and sparks a little extra motivation to move forward.

6. Make a plan.

So you made a mistake. Rather than obsessing over it, learn from it and make a plan to avoid a repeat offense. When we focus forward and feel equipped to improve in the future, we’ll feel more positive about the issue and be able to let it go. 

7. Focus on the people you’re serving, rather than on your performance.

I believe that our work is an act of service. The moment we lose sight of this is the moment we become paranoid about how perfectly we look and perform. Staying focused on the people we serve reduces anxiety and fuels passion. At the end of the day, it’s not about us—it’s about the ways in which we’re serving and influencing others for good. Genuinely believing this gives us freedom and motivation. 

8. Aim for connection, not perfection.

Yet another one from wise Nancy! I talked about this strategy in a Two-Minute Tip last March. It's might just be my favorite of the favorites.

When we mess up, it shows our humanity and makes us more relatable...more approachable. Perfection makes us come across as untouchable, but imperfection creates space for authentic connection. Rather than ruminating on imperfections, let's embrace the benefits of them.

Being approachable is one of my business values. It enables me to post Two-Minute Tip videos that aren't 100% perfect and deliver live trainings and keynotes without scripts. If that's not the right fit for a potential client, then I'm not the right fit for them. I'm 1,000 times more interested in building genuine connection with others than trying to paint a picture of perfection. How freeing is that?!

No doubt you have strategies of your own. What are they? Share them in the comments below!