When in doubt, ask this
All of my coaching sessions have recently transitioned to videoconference meetings in light of COVID-19. Though I severely miss meeting in-person, it has been a gift to see my clients’ faces and hear their voices through my computer screen. I’ve noticed a pattern in these sessions lately…
After connecting on a personal note, they begin to share the many thoughtful actions they’re taking to lead their teams through this crazy time. Then they pause and ask, “Do you think I’m taking the right approach? Is there anything I’m missing?” They’re working incredibly hard to lead well and desperately want to know that they’re doing it right. Though every fiber in my action-oriented body wants to respond with advice, the truth is that it doesn’t really matter what I think. It matters what their employees think.
We all want to know that we’re leading well, especially when leading in new, unfamiliar territory. The best way to find out is the same now as it always has been: ask.
Now, I’m guessing that most of you already ask quite often, using questions like these: “How are you doing? Is everything going okay? Is there anything I could do better—any feedback for me?” And each time, you receive similar responses: “Yes, I’m doing well, thanks. Everything is going great. Nope, no feedback, but thanks for asking.” Not much is learned in this common scenario.
Providing honest feedback to a boss is hard—even to the most caring, committed bosses. So how do you find out what’s working well and what isn’t? The magic is in the way you ask. I recommend using two simple questions:
What is one thing that I am currently doing well for you in my leadership that I should continue doing?
What is one thing that I could do even better or differently moving forward?
You can adapt these questions to solicit feedback on other topics as well. For example: “What is one thing about our team’s remote working norms that’s working well? What’s one thing we could shift to make them even better?”
These two simple questions are effective for a few reasons:
The power of one: Asking for “one thing” makes it less scary to be honest. It also communicates genuine interest and curiosity, and forces the employee to thoughtfully brainstorm something substantive.
Positive + constructive: Discussing a strength and an opportunity for improvement reduces the perceived threat for both the feedback giver and recipient, setting the stage for a more productive conversation.
Shared awareness: When there is shared awareness of an opportunity for improvement—when employees and colleagues know what you’re working on—they are more likely to notice and appreciate growth. They become your greatest supporters and biggest fans, but you have be vulnerable enough to invite them into this space.
So if you’re wondering whether or not you’re giving your team what they need right now, ask. If you’re stumped on how to improve current team dynamics, ask. If you want to continue to grow in your leadership, ask.
As one of my clients wisely stated after a humbling 360 review with comprehensive feedback, “Information is power.” Before asking, she didn’t know what was working well and what needed to change. After asking, she knew exactly how to focus her efforts—and she saw huge improvements in her team and her leadership effectiveness as she worked hard to respond to the feedback. Again, we don’t know how to lead better until we know what’s working well and what needs to change. Though this learning process comes with discomfort, I promise that it’s far better than the agony of not knowing.