You’re playing favorites (without realizing it)

We all want to believe that we treat everyone around us equally, or at least fairly. But the truth is that by human design, our brains automatically play favorites.

As a leader, it's critical to move this subconscious phenomenon into your conscious awareness, and then do something about it. Today's quick tip video will help you do just that.

• Read the video transcript

  I am your classic small party person. I don't love large gatherings where I need to go and work the room.

  But lo and behold, recently I found myself in that scenario at a large group gathering, and I was kind of moving around trying to make connections, and I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable as many of us do in that setting until I found that small group of a few other individuals who shared a common interest with me. And it was on a topic completely unrelated to the gathering, right? It was about sports. Suddenly I went from feeling kind of uncomfortable, not enjoying the scenario, to now at ease and enjoying the conversation with these few individuals.

  This sounds like a good thing, and it is. We are, we're designed for connection, we're designed for relationship. And when we find that it feels so good, but there's a problem with it too, there's a catch.

  We, without even realizing it, end up playing favorites at work as a result.

  Leaders, I can almost guarantee there are employees on your team with whom you connect with more naturally, more easily than others. And without even realizing it, you are likely engaging with them in a different way than you are the others.

  You see, at a subconscious level, once we really feel connected with somebody, we have some shared interests, some shared common ground. Again, at a subconscious level, we don't even realize we're doing this, we naturally start to show facial expressions, tone, body language that is more affirming to those with whom we really connect than the others. Our brains also more naturally empathize with those who we've connected with than the others. And at a subconscious level, our brains are more motivated to see those individuals with whom we connect succeed than we are the others.

  This is challenging when you are in a, when you are in a leadership position, and you need to engage with every employee on your team in a meaningful way that makes them feel valued, cared for, and connected.

  And so my challenge for you is to think about individuals on your team with whom maybe you don't have as natural of a connection. And I want you to spend a little extra time with them. I want you to work hard to find some shared interest, some common ground that starts to foster a connection. Because when that's established, all of those subconscious things that happen with those, with the other people on your team will now happen with these individuals.

  So go make a point of finding some shared interests, some common ground with every employee on your team so that you can engage with each of them in a more meaningful way.