How to receive feedback

The ability to receive tough feedback is one of the most important, yet neglected, leadership skills.

The moment the constructive feedback reaches our ears is the moment we evaluate its validity and prepare to defend ourselves. With this as our first reaction, we miss the chance to learn from the feedback, and we also teach the other person to avoid sharing similar thoughts again in the future.

In this video, you'll learn a simple trick to help you become a master at receiving difficult feedback, even when you disagree with it.

• Read the video transcript

  I don't think I've ever worked with a leader who didn't want to come across as someone who could receive tough feedback. Even the least personable of the leaders wants to come across as being somebody who can take and absorb constructive feedback. But it's hard to do.

  I know a personal example recently, my husband had been traveling quite a bit, so we had been kind of operating in different spaces for a while, and when we came back together we were just butting heads and we both had some feedback for each other.

  In those instances, when somebody is giving us some difficult feedback, we often get wrapped up on the grade that they're giving us. Oh, they're giving me a C- on this?! Well, I'm going to convince them why they're wrong and why I deserve an A. That's often our response.

  I was listening to a podcast recently from Adam Grant and he said something really interesting and everything he talks about is evidence-based, research backed, right? He said, instead of being so focused on that first score that we're getting in the feedback, why not be focused on getting a solid second score?

  In other words, let's try to be great at receiving and responding to the feedback, getting an A+ on how we receive and respond to the feedback, rather than trying to convince them to change the initial score that they gave us. Instead try to wow them with a great second score, a great job receiving the feedback.

  So next time somebody has some constructive feedback to give to you, instead of debating their first score, I want you to focus on going for a solid second score.