How to get honest feedback
We all want to know how others view us—what they think we’re doing well, and how they believe we could improve.
Most people are readily willing to share the positives with us. But how do we get honest feedback on our growth opportunities?
The short answer: don’t ask for feedback. Instead, ask for advice.
Think about it for a moment. Do you like giving people constructive feedback? When someone asks for it, how do you react? Most of us feel a little uneasy, respond first with something positive, then—if brave enough—briefly describe an opportunity for improvement in a vague and upbeat manner. This leaves little hope for increased awareness or real change.
On the other hand, how do you feel when someone asks you for advice? Most of us feel valued and excited to help. And as a result, we confidently share specific, actionable suggestions.
Numerous research studies on feedback support what we already know to be intuitively true. In one example, a team from Harvard Business School explored the impact of soliciting input as feedback versus advice. Here’s what they discovered through four different experiments:
When asked to give feedback, we tend to offer praising comments rather than ways to improve.
Feedback rarely actually improves performance because it’s often vague and fails to identify what can be improved or how to do it.
When giving advice, we offer more detailed explanations of what’s working and what isn’t. When giving feedback, we speak in generalities.
When asked to provide advice rather than feedback, people on average share 34% more areas of improvement and 56% more ways to improve.
Giving advice feels more hopeful and motivating because we’re focused on identifying future possibilities rather than evaluating past actions that can’t be undone.
Our own self-awareness and ideas for improvement are limited. The more we can learn through others’ eyes and insights, the faster we’ll grow. If you want to illuminate blind spots and tap into the wisdom of people around you, start asking for advice more often than you ask for feedback.