How to get your team on your side

We all have opportunities for improvement. Instead of openly owning our weaknesses, we try to hide them and work on them quietly, hoping others won't notice our deficits.

News flash: they notice. And they're annoyed that you're not owning the issues.

In this week's video, I recommend an alternative approach that I use with my coaching clients. Give it a try and you might just see your team go from ‘annoyed’ to ‘on your side and cheering you on to success.’

• Read the video transcript

  While most of us don't have a PR background, for some reason we get this idea that we can be our own expert PR agents.

  And what I mean by this is we try to manage our reputation. We try to manage how others see and perceive us. We try to manage our exposure.

  And what happens is we miss the opportunity to really embrace some humility and vulnerability that will build stronger trust and bring people alongside our development journeys.

  Let me explain further.

  So, you know, in my coaching over the last several years I've worked with a number of different leaders on specific development opportunities, areas in which they know they need to grow or in which they want to grow, or they've been told that they need to grow. And part of the coaching journey is that I ask them to share these development opportunities with their team.

  "Hey team, I'm actually working with a coach right now, and I'm specifically focused on this area of growth. I know that I have opportunity to grow here, so I wanted you to know that I'm aware of it and I'm working on it, and I invite your feedback along the way."

  For some of you, this sounds really scary. And yes, it is a really vulnerable thing to do because there are a couple fears here.

  One, we are drawing more attention to our weaknesses, to our areas of opportunity. And for some reason we imagine that, maybe they don't actually know that I need to grow in this area, and all of a sudden, I'm bringing their attention to it.

  Well, let me just say: they probably already knew and were frustrated that you haven't owned it, and so this is actually breaking that frustration and inviting them into the process.

  The second fear is: well goodness, if I share it, now there's going to be some real accountability around it. Now I better make some improvement, and that can feel scary.

  But here's the deal, when we do this—rather than trying to work on it in secret like we often do (like behind closed doors, “Oh, I'm just gonna work on this quietly”) rather than let people know that I'm working on it—when we share it and we invite them along for the ride.

  All of a sudden the people around us become champions of our success. They want to see us grow and improve. They feel more comfortable giving us feedback, letting us know when we have made improvement and helping to correct when there's opportunity to grow.

  So all of a sudden, your team becomes champions of your success.

  And guess what? They notice when you've made improvement. If we work on these things quietly without drawing attention to them, typically people don't even notice that we've made improvement.

  And so communicating it and inviting them along for the ride, it enables us to truly make growth; it enables us to to build some trust and relationship along the way; and it enables other people to see when that growth happens.

  So I would encourage you to identify one area in which you can improve. This could be at work, maybe you're a formal leader and it's in the way you're managing your team. Maybe you are a part of a team, not in a formal leadership position, but you know you have opportunity. Maybe it's in a relationship outside of work. Maybe it's in your marriage, maybe it's in your parenting.

  And communicate with that audience what it is you want to work on and invite them to be partners in that journey, to give you feedback along the way, and then see what happens.