Improve your feedback skills with this one trick
People often ask me if I'm hired by companies to coach their senior executives, high-potential rising leaders, or managers who are not quite cutting it.
My answer is, "D: all of the above." And I want to keep it that way.
When I'm hired to work with the third type—managers who are struggling—it's a delicate situation. It would be easy for them to feel like the company is simply hiring me as a final "check the box" before they're escorted out... but I view our coaching relationship differently. And my very first goal is to help them view it differently too.
In this short video, I share my exact approach in these situations. It's a strategy you can use in almost any feedback situation that will increase the odds of positive change. Use this strategy to help the feedback recipient feel hopeful and committed to making the changes you want to see them make.
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You can improve your ability to give effective feedback with this one trick, and that is to stop being so focused on what happened that didn't go well in the past, and instead be more focused on what you want to see in the future. What do you want to see more of, less of, or differently?
The reason this helps is because when we are receiving feedback, our brain goes into an alert state, right? Oh my goodness, this feedback, it feels like a threat and it makes it hard for us to actually really absorb and apply that feedback.
But if I, as the feedback recipient know that, oh my boss or whoever is giving me feedback that they want to see me apply in the future because they believe I have a future here because they believe I can do something even better here in the future. I have that assurance that I'm still wanted here and that there's hope for the future. Knowing that it's more forward looking, knowing there's hope for the future enables me to absorb the feedback and actually apply it.
One of my favorite examples of this in action, it comes when I'm doing one-on-one coaching. So sometimes I'm brought in to coach a leader who has asked for coaching because they want to continue to grow in their skills and continue to improve. Other times I'm brought in to coach a leader because they're not quite meeting what's needed in that role or in that situation, and they're hoping that maybe a coach can help correct some of that and, and help. And that can feel like a little bit more of a threatened state.
Typically, those leaders are already feeling a little bit uneasy, worried, oh man, what does this coaching mean? Is this like the last straw before, before things really go south from here? And I actually love getting to engage in those situations because I get to come in and I get to tell them, “Hey, I am here. I am for you. I am in your corner. I believe that you can make shifts here and actually knock it out of the park in the future. And that's what we're going to do. I am going to partner with you to help set you up for success to be amazing down the road, to wow everyone.”
You can do the same thing when you're giving feedback. I believe in you. I want to see this in the future because I know you are capable of it. Speak that hope into others when giving the feedback, and you will absolutely see them absorb and apply your feedback and your thoughts in a new, more productive way.